[june 9 2008]

"If I could tell the world just one thing it would be, 'We're all okay,'
Not to worry 'cause worry is wasteful and useless in times like these.
I wont be made useless.
Wont be idle with despair."
--Jewel, Hands

What am I really supposed to do?
Go on following, falling in holes...
What am I really meant to do ?
Go on watching the heat as I freeze in the cold.

Is it cold? Am I groggy,
from all this lost sleep..
Am I wasteful?
Am I sloppy?
All the things that I hate...

Hate, what a word, what a bitter taste on my tongue,
It's not something i need,
Nor something I want.

But want. Does it matter what I want?

[may 26 2008]

 I never thought you saw me like that.
In some ways it's devastating, in others its somewhat entertaining...
Mostly, it's shocking.
I never did anything but tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.
All you did was lie.
Yet I'm the one at fault?
I guess it comes down to the pure insanity of people.
And I'm left with a simple, 'Whatever'.

[may 23 2008]

Sometimes we find ourselves in painful solitude, forced to toy with our heart's memories. The mundane fades away, leaving us in a silent, blissful song to contemplate. To remember lost dreams, and mourn for summer days passed.

It seems that little time has passed, since you and I were together, and yet in other ways it seems like an eternity. It's cliche, but you feel so distant now. And yet you invade my dreams. Is that fair? For you to leave me, throw me far away from your voice... And yet linger with me, the bittersweet memory of the smile in your eyes. Is it wrong for me to miss you? Miss the tenderness on your lips, the mischief you always seemed to bring about. I'm sitting in silent song, wondering why fate made it this way. I never asked for forever, that was you. Then you broke it, and tore me apart. And the loss is yours, I know. But once, what was yours was mine, and mine yours. Have I lost, too, then? You're so stubborn. You wont let yourself know all the things you know, or be all the things you are. For what? There's no purpose to your shell. Maybe it's all in my mind, and you never felt it, but somehow, by that lamplight, I knew you did. Some days I wonder if there's another way, besides forgetting you and the love we had. I've tried so long and so hard... Yet there's still nothing I can do for you unless you let me. I'm not alone, now... I have dreams that are blossoming in the sunlight, but it seems, nearby, there are ashes. Ashes of you, and all that I wanted with you. We were always uncertain. We are still, aren't we? We're not meant for eachother. Not for forever, or for making love. But still, there's a bond I can't forget. You're a brother somehow, a best, best friend. I ache for you.

In a daze, I wander away.

Why is it that I feel so hopeless?
So worthless?
So unwanted?
Why is it that after all this gasping,
I still cannot breathe?
Why is it that these tears, like pain,
shoot through my veins?
Why is it that you dont want me,
dont love me like I do you?
Why is that you hurt me,
and make me want to hurt you?

This poem is dedicated to my friend Sea, who I will always love, care, and be there for.

Of all of the people I've ever met...
You're one of the ones that I just can't forget.
I never want you to feel alone,
and so I'll carve our good times in stone..
I promise I'll always be there for you,
and I promise the words I say will be true,
I promise I'll be here... A shoulder to cry,
Not a fact that I speak will whisper a lie,
A hord of promises
that I can set...
But mostly,
My promise:
I will not forget.

This Poem is dedicated to my friend Emily Kim, who lit up my life, and inspired my soul.

Life is a journey,
Just as it is a challenge.
It is a journey for truth,
A quest for light,
And a strive for hope,
In all ways.